Last month we discussed Boundaries. Although we all agree that there is need for healthy boundaries, many of you told me you are facing a key obstacle that keeps preventing you from setting them, self-worth! Boundaries are a measure of one’s self-worth. For this reason, our September theme is Self-worth, particularly how to increase it. If you feel that your view of yourself makes it hard to both manage how you treat yourself and others in your life, you are not alone and we’ll give you some tips this month to combat those feelings.
LET’S START: It is no wonder why many of us don’t know where to start in building a healthy and endurable sense of self. After all, many of us look into distorted mirrors of our true person every day because the messages of media, harmful comments of others, and even our own internal dialogue do not always tell us the truth about who we are.
- Surround yourself with true mirrors of your actual worth and start to distinguish between those that build you up and tear you down. This does not mean you need to cut off all imperfect people in your life, as that would be all of us, but begin to be selective on what messages from others, media, and your environment you are exposed to and how they affect you.
The following are examples of True versus Distorted mirrors:
True Mirrors Show:
- You are accepted as you are
- Purity, enlightenment
- Unconditional love
- Weakness points toward growth
Distorted Mirrors Show:
- You are not good enough
- Vulgarity, misleading
- Conditional love
- Weakness is shameful
- Not enough success to go around
How does your current view of self compare with the true mirror attributes above? I want you to know you were not born distorted, instead you were made perfect. Think of children in your life and how they naturally love and accept themselves and those around them. Distorted views of self are learned and we can unlearn them. This is perhaps my favorite process in change. I have had the privilege of mirroring to others their true nature and as a result see their self-worth increase, healthy boundaries form, and clients find success in many aspects of their lives. Self-worth is foundational to success in all areas of life. You will become what you focus your thoughts on.
- Write down common phrases you say to yourself and others in your life
- Measure them against the true mirror list above
- Rewrite them to speak truth to the distortion you may have learned and speak those new phrases daily to yourself and as many others as you can