WE ARE ALL THE SAME: A Thanksgiving Day Message

by Sommer A. Seitz, MA, LMHC, posted in Abundance, Being Needed, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Self-Worth, Sommer Seitz, MA, LMHC

The mission of Whole Women Link is to connect women together in the common purpose of healing and stepping into our true and highest selves. We feel your desires to break the false traditions, patterns, and heal emotions that are in your way of finding your wholeness! We see that we are all the same on the first base level, human. This is not to ignore that very real secondary level of difference that exists such as our privilege, nationalities, color, preferences, religions, etc. However, when we place emphasis on our primary level, that we are all human beings pursuing happiness as we best know how, we relate to each other with compassion and build a sense of connection.

Image result for nkosi johnsonThis phrase, “We are all the same,” was first presented to me in a true story about young Nkosi Johnson’s battle with Aids in South Africa in the book with same title by Jim Wooten.  Nkosi displayed wisdom beyond his years and circumstance when he discovered through his battle with Aids virus that we are connected as a human family and he gave us some powerful words to live by. His speech at a large Aids conference the year before he died at age 11 has had a deep impact on me. Nkosi states, “We are all the same. We are not different from one another. We belong to one family. We love and we laugh. We hurt and we cry. We live and we die… Don’t be afraid of us. We are all the same.” Suffering can either embitter us or draw us together with compassion on each other. We are created for joy and compassion is the key to finding it.

Here are a couple of examples of how “we are all the same” has really added to my joy and I think can add to yours:

I have tried to make it a practice to look at how often I think of myself in term of “I” or “me.” Research shows that those that see themselves as part of a whole or as “we” have more joy. I used this recently when going to speak to group of youth about how to become “shame resistant.” I found myself at first dwelling on what “I” was going to share and needing to be the expert. I then stepped back further and decided, I am a co-traveler dealing with shame as these teens do and I was just there to share in this common “we” struggle and ways “we” can overcome it.  I could then see how I was in no way special or separate from them. Separation steal joy. My sense of connection to these teens created a bridge for me to find a helpful message for “us” and allowed me to feel genuine love and connection with them. I hope and think they felt it too.

Lastly, “we are all the same” has been key in my own healing process. For many years I held a paralyzing belief that “having needs is shameful.” I picked up from many sources the idea that being self-sufficient, not needing anyone, and not speaking or acknowledging vulnerability was preferred. So much of this is false. I love the work of Brene Brown as she taught me that vulnerability and authenticity are keys to overcoming shame and stepping into joy.  We are designed to meet needs in relationships. Both independence and dependence are extremes and the balance is found in interdependence. In denying our needs we are often closed and critical of the neediness we perceive in others. When we stop using valuable energy in denying needs and instead work on accepting them it can lead to powerful avenues of personal growth and connection to others. Turns out we are all the same, we are all beggars, in need of something. As we have courage to speak our needs and seek support, we give others permission to do the same. We are then able to enter the circle of interdependence, grateful and aware of how we have been lifted, and ready to help lift another.

Image result for dalai lama“Joy is the reward, really, of seeking to give joy to others. When you show compassion, when you show caring, when you show love to others, do things for others, in a wonderful way you have a deep joy that you can get in no other way. You can’t buy it with money. You can be the richest person on Earth, but if you care only about yourself, I can bet my bottom dollar you will not be happy and joyful. But when you are caring, compassionate, more concerned about the welfare of others than about your own, wonderfully, wonderfully, you suddenly feel a warm glow in your heart, because you have, in fact, wiped the tears from the eyes of another. “ – The Dalai Lama

Beautiful words to live by…

Resources:

“The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World” (2016), by Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, and Douglas Carlton Abrams.

“The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You are Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are,” (2010), By: Brene Brown

“We are all the Same: A Story of a Boy’s Courage and a Mother’s Love” (2005), by: Jim Wooten

Peaceful Surrender

by Guest Contributor, posted in Anxiety, Balanced Lifestyle, Out-of-Control and Chaos, Rachel Grant Dixon, MA

Honestly, sharing the episode of Peaceful Surrender was such a privilege to experience. Being able to witness what surrender is from God was transformative. So often we are battling with ourselves…we are creating the war within.
What I have learned about surrendering to God’s will and timing is that when we are in alignment with that, we are also in alignment with ourselves…with our truth, purpose and passion.

This concept was new for me because I started to realize that I was truly in partnership with the great Creator. I think before I just assumed that God would take over and I’d be like a puppet on a string. That just didn’t feel good to me. As I learned about peaceful surrender, I truly saw how my true self and God’s will for me are actually one in the same. So yes, I was surrendering to God but in return He was extending the invitation for me to align with the highest divine version of myself.

I became so excited to follow God’s invitation as an active participant (co-creator) rather than feeling like a puppet on a string.

I also want to bring up the corrupt pattern of surrender on the earth. The world shows that when you finally are forced to surrender, you lose!  That’s a LIE! When you surrender in the way it was originally intended by God, surrender means you WIN!

I ask myself these three important questions when I am seeking to align my will (using agency) with God’s will:

  • What am I afraid of (fear being the root of pride, ego, doubt, judgement, etc.)?
  • What is out of balance within myself, within the relationship, or within the experience?
  • What did my soul want to learn from what is being created?

These questions end the war or battle going on and I’m free to open up with the power of knowledge and the understanding that there is a reason for my experiences. Once the war is over within me…I’m also ready to act on the promptings and instruction I receive.

Peaceful surrender is real and it’s the essence of who we really are. So, the final question always is…are you ready to step into your true divine self?

https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/dangrant/episodes/2018-07-29T15_35_19-07_00

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Author Biography: Rachael Grant Dixon is from San Diego, CA. She has her Master’s degree from San Diego State University in Sport and Performance Psychology. She is a corporate trainer, podcaster, and seeker of truth. Rachael loves to connect with people from all walks of life and discover the unique attributes that bring people together.

Moving On to Live

by Dr. Crystal Nix Dayton, DC, posted in Abundance, Dr. Crystal Nix Dayton, DC, CAc, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Self-Worth
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Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

Have you ever seen someone do something terrible and get away without any sort of consequences? Even worse is when they may get rewarded or celebrated and we somehow reap a negative consequence, while they remain unscathed. Sorry if I’m bringing up a foul memory to mind. It’s ok to take a second to let it flare up, stew, and simmer down if you need. I’m going to attempt to help us take that foul stew off the stove and wash it down the drain, so we’re free to enjoy life more with the air cleared.

I recalled this stench of resentment mixed with justice recently as I’ve been re-reading a story. It’s a story in the Book of Mosiah about this guy named Amulon and his cronies, as I’ve come to call them. They were unjust men, who stole from the humble, murdered the innocent, and were beyond any crudeness or lewdness we’ve been seeing on the news lately. Not only that, they were supposed to be the government and religious leaders.

Thankfully, the people finally wised up and had an uprising, but they somehow managed to escape before the people could sentence any sort of just punishment. Fast-forward, and we get to a point where a group of the most humble and kind of the townsfolk are trying to re-settle themselves. Guess who barges in to desecrate the sweet-prairie life they’ve established? Amulon and his cronies not only butt in, but the ruler of the larger kingdom that the townsfolk settled in dubs Amulon king over their little settlement. To suggest that Amulon merely bullied these townsfolk would be an understatement.

Thankfully, for their well-being and sanity, these weren’t your typical townsfolk. They were praying folk. They were inspired to be patient, and obeyed. Then in due time, the Lord miraculously delivered them.

In some ways, despite the miraculous delivery, I’d find this story to be anti-climactic. No just-consequences are ever mentioned for Amulon. He seems to go by with a free pass. But as I was reading this story again, I stopped to observe myself. I realized that in the midst of my justice-nature, there was a vein of loathing, resentment, and unforgiveness. The funny thing is, I’ve been the one shouldering this, while those praying townsfolk who actually went through it merely moved on. The way they let the past drop off and instead focus on enjoying life reminded me of this stanza in one of my favorite poems, “A Psalm of Life”:

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Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!

Let the dead Past bury its dead!

Act,— act in the living Present!

Heart within, and God o’erhead!

 

The example of these townsfolk humbled me to consider that maybe there’s a higher law to live than merely justice alone. Grace.

To me, grace is a state where justice and compassion are held equally. Where there’s a higher hope than just punishment, but a hope that a person can be empowered to healing and freedom from their destructive state. That a past is not necessarily a future. That instead, a person can change and rise to his or her highest self. And we can hope to celebrate their rising rather than revel in their final defeat. Grace isn’t the expectation of witnessing this change occur, but holding the hope and openness that someday they will be freed from the darkness they’re living in, to be a person of light. And in the meantime, our joy isn’t capped by justice alone. We can let the dead Past bury its dead and act in the living Present. We’re free to move on and live.

 

Be Still and Know Yourself

by Sommer A. Seitz, MA, LMHC, posted in Abundance, Emotional Self-Reliance, Self-Worth, Sommer Seitz, MA, LMHC

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I have a flood of clear thoughts that enter my mind before it gets cluttered with my own thoughts, emotions, or agendas.  I have learned to keep a journal and pen next to my bed and record these thoughts and cherish these moments. This pure information is aligned with my life’s purpose and my true nature. It seems for a small moment I am unclouded, I receive pure knowledge, and then it passes.

What if these moments didn’t have to pass?  I have come to understand that there is a key principle one must understand in order to invite these moments to stay and come with greater frequency.  It’s hard to describe in language things that are spiritually discerned, but I believe if you set an intention to be open to new knowledge and have patience for the fallibility of language, I think we can make a stab at this.

Underlying principle = our minds are fundamentally subjective

To be objective we need a source that knows us better than we know ourselves and outside of us. In other words, our thoughts, feelings, and emotions are not who we truly are but only who we imagine we are through a limited lens of reality.  I love the teachings of the Apostle Paul found in the New Testament saying, “we all see through a glass darkly,” and the whole chapter speaks to the power of love or charity to help us rise above this distorted view we each hold (1 Corinthians 13: 12). It is important to recognize that it is not just some of us that see “darkly” but all of us that see “darkly”.  For one reason or another, many outside our control, we have become separated from the love that we were created to receive and give away. Separation from love leads us down false paths to seek approval, comfort, and rest from this feeling. Our bodies even keep score and we have physical effects from the emotions of self-rejection we store in our bodies. When we seek to earn love or seek approval from others separated from love as well it leads to loss of self, dependence, and sometimes slavery to those false sources of love. This type of conditional love never satisfies.  The key to restoring our true nature and wholeness is connecting to an unconditional source of love, a source outside of us, a source that knows us and accepts us right where we are and can show us new steps to take to be truer to ourselves.

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How is this practically accomplished? The idea of finding an unconditional source of love sounds great, but what does that look like as one lives in a less than ideal clouded life or perhaps has little experience feeling this type of love? I have found that while the practices are personal and diverse as we all are, there are some common elements that can help us.

  1. Seek Stillness: Emotion is energy in motion. We need outlets to release low-level emotions to clear and align our thoughts. Through those outlets we eventually arrive at a peaceful states where we capable of letting go of our distracting thoughts and low emotions.  Tools such as yoga, journaling, prayer, reading inspirational text, deep-diagram breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, listening to uplifting music, a walking in nature are a few examples.  We all need to experiment with different tools to determine for ourselves what calms our mind and body.
  2. Seek an Attitude of Humility: “Humility is the catalyst to all learning,” and putting aside one’s own thoughts, biases, and accepting one’s need for knowledge readies the mind to receive. New ways of seeing yourself and the world can then come in.
  3. Have Self-Compassion and Curiosity: “It is what it is.” Self-rejection keeps us from being able to understand and arrive at what is amiss in us and learn from it. Research shows that acceptance is the precursor to change. Be kind to yourself, you are doing the best you can according to what you understand.
  4. Unpack your Baggage with an empathic Source: For me this is generally my higher power, but to others it may manifest itself in the form of a close trusted friend, spouse, or even a journal. Shame cannot survive empathy so when we feel loved and accepted just as we are, we can begin to remove the block that shame creates. We can move forward.
  5. Ask for what you Need and Be Specific: After unpacking as indicated above, I can often begin to see steps forward or identify what is missing. I find that when I ask my Source specifically for help with these unmet needs, I get small simple steps I can take to help meet my own needs. Sometimes, in the most desperate of times, these needs are met without my involvement, often through others. However, I have found that most often I am called to be a partner in my own healing. I must act on my own behalf.
  6. Have Trust and Gratitude: As my relationship with my Source grows, and my trust in my own abilities increases, I become truly grateful for the guidance and feel more desirous to keep coming back. I am connected to Abundance and I am enough!

My goal is for you to recognize and witness who you are “Clearly” and not who you perceive yourself to be “Darkly”.  You are created perfect and worthy of love. This accurate and “Clear” you holds the keys to the healing and wholeness you seek if you can just be still and know her.

Abundance: A Simple Question That Will Change Your Life

by Guest Contributor, posted in Abundance, Allyson Chavez, Author, The Ultimate Prosperity Coach

by Allyson Chavez, Author & Guest Contributor

In this age where so many negative connotations are assigned to different words, it’s refreshing that ‘abundance’ still carries with it a feeling of hope and excitement for the future. Even though technically abundance simply means a large amount of something, most people associate abundance with things that are good.

As The Ultimate Prosperity coach, I’ll use abundance and prosperity interchangeably, because there is such a close connection between the two, mentally speaking. For example, if I asked you, “Would you rather be abundant or prosperous?” the answer is usually, “Is there a difference?” And in today’s conversation, that answer is no!

If you want to create more abundance or prosperity, you must focus on them! To do this, I suggest a simple yet powerful exercise to instantly feel more abundant and prosperous, no matter what is going on in your life.

Ask yourself a simple question:

“Wouldn’t it be nice if…”

When you’re feeling discouraged or anything that is the opposite of abundant, ask yourself something like, “Wouldn’t it be nice if I felt abundant right now?” And then stop. Your mind will answer the question, and the answer is yes!

You can then ask, “what would it look like if my life were abundant right now?” In that very moment, you’ll literally begin to feel abundant as you begin describing what your life would look like.

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Asking this question regularly will change the course of your life.
The great thing is, you don’t have to limit the question to something as generic as abundance. You can ask yourself, “Wouldn’t it be nice if I were my ideal weight?” Or “Wouldn’t it be nice if we could take that fabulous vacation?” You can fill in the blank with anything you desire!

You were born to be abundant. You are only one choice away from totally changing your life. Choose abundance!

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Bio:  Allyson Chavez is a wealth mindset expert and the Ultimate Prosperity Coach. She is an international speaker on the topics of mindset, prosperity, and the inner work to create lasting outer wealth. She is the bestselling author of The Prosperity Approach, an energy practitioner and a sales and communications trainer. Allyson teaches live webinars and online prosperity courses to entrepreneurs, as well as high end private mentoring. Visit prosperityapproach.com/webclass and allysonchavez.com for more information.

Email Allyson at Allyson@allysonchavez.com
Facebook.com/simplyallyson